"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra"
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all
of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
~ "Unknown"
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to
his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health
of
the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest
members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast
as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why
you always feel smarter after a few beers."
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
